November
by alexandrinedamaris
Summary: On the 1st of November 1981 just after midnight, Sirius Black arrives at the Potters. He is too late.


_00:10 1_ _st_ _November 1981_

He was too late.

Part of the first floor had already caved in, some spell gone awry, the front door splintering at the edges. Grief poured over him, tight and cold and threatening to kill him too, like his boyfriend, his girlfriend, his baby. The Fidelius Charm was gone now, obliterated along with the Potters, and as he approached, running down the street he hated to the house he hated to the people he loved, a wail met his ears, terrified and heartbroken, and despite everything else, Sirius's heart leapt hearing Harry cry out for his parents, dead parents now; his baby boy was alive.

Guilt gripped at Sirius before he walked in the door, preventing him, momentarily, from making that final step. Harry was an orphan now, at least to the wider Wizarding world. Because of Sirius. Because Sirius had been too much of a coward, trusted blindly in entirely the wrong person, and now James and Lily were surely dead. Hatred, raw and burning, tore at his heart, but he pushed it away, and with it, his guilt. He could deal with Peter later, the traitorous bastard, for now, he had to get Harry.

He'd meant to go straight to Harry, ignore James and Lily, no matter what state he found them in, that's what they would have wanted, what he would have wanted, if it had been the other way around. Instead, he found James's body, limp and lifeless, his eyes closed behind his rectangular glasses almost as if he were only asleep. Sirius fell to his side, awful dry choking sobs ripping from him, drowning out Harry's cries, as his hands went, trembling, to James's face, so much paler than it ever had been in life. He was cold, dead for some time, not warm and bright and laughing like he always was. For a long while Sirius couldn't move, his sobbing holding him hostage on the floor with the man he'd loved, still loved, unable to move.

There was a bang and a crack, and the noise drew Sirius back to himself, eyes snapping up to the top of the stairs. Kissing James gently one last time on the forehead, he dashed upstairs. Harry's bedroom door was open, his crying flooding Sirius with even deeper sorrow, and Lily too was lying there. Something was wrong about the way her body bent on the floor, not as if she'd fallen that way, like someone had held her and had to leave quickly, leaving her lifeless form to twist on the floor. Sirius had no doubt about who it was, and his name too went onto Sirius's list of people he had to sort once he had his son settled; Severus, who would leave a baby crying right beside him to hold a dead woman who'd hated him in life, no matter how much he claimed to love her.

Sirius didn't look at Lily any further, knowing he would not be able to hold himself together if he looked at her now. Instead, he strode straight to Harry, his sobs quietening slightly to a loud whimpering in the presence of his papa, and scooped him up. In his papa's arms, the whimpering died down further to soft snuffles, and Sirius knew he would sleep soon. He scanned the room, forcing himself not to glance at the corpse of his girlfriend, for Harry's things amongst the rubble, things he would need immediately that Sirius himself didn't have; nappies and clothes that fit and his favourite toys.

He gathered them up one handed, shoving them all into a bag he found still tucked away in the corner. Harry started snoring softly in his ear and Sirius allowed himself one look at Lily. He crouched down, brushing a few strands of dark red hair out of her face and like he had with James, kissed her forehead softly, and promised he would look after Harry. He'd expected to fall apart, but instead his determination to keep Harry safe kept him strong, for now, and he turned from the room crying only the most silent of tears.

The night was cold outside in a way he hadn't noticed when he'd been running to the house, his breath puffing out in front of him in white steam. Immediately, he shrugged off his jacket and wrapped it around his baby, still sleeping and tried to make himself think of where to go next. He knew he could trust Remus now, should have trusted him all along, but would he still allow him to stay after these years of suspicion between them? Every nerve in his body screaming at him to keep Harry close and warm and safe, he climbed onto his motorbike and started the engine.

"Sirius!" a deep voice he recognised from years of running around the grounds of Hogwarts called out. "Ye can' go!"  
He span around in his seat, clutching his son even closer and watched as Hagrid approached, his running footsteps falling hard on the ground. "Why not?" he spat with far more venom than he'd meant to. Fear and anger twisted in his, fighting for dominance; nobody could take Harry away from him.  
"Professor Dumbledore says Harry's to go to his Aunt, he'll be safer there," the half-giant said as he approached, his voice far softer than Sirius' despite his size.  
"He will not be going to _Petunia_ ," Sirius said the name like it was some rotting thing, like it didn't even deserve to exist.  
"Professor Dumbledore says-"  
"I don't give a fuck what Dumbledore says, James and Lily wanted Harry to be with me." _He's my son.  
_ "I'm sorry Sirius, orders are orders. I'm sure once everything's safe he'll come back to you," Hagrid tried to reassure him. Sirius laughed, high and bitter and deranged.  
"No, Hagrid, he is staying with me." He restarted the engine with a savage kick, having stalled in its wait, held onto the handlebar with one hand and began to drive away.  
"Sirius ye can' take him!" Hagrid withdrew a large pink umbrella from within his cloak and aimed it right at Harry. "Professor Dumbledore says I've to take him!"  
He could run, Sirius thought, his brain spinning wildly trying to think of ways he could get them both out of this safe and sound. But they would find him, catch him eventually, take his baby away and probably through him in Azkaban.

He looked down at Harry, awake now with all the noise, no longer crying, his bright green eyes staring up at him. "I love you so much," he told his baby, his and James's and Lily's baby, kissing him on his forehead like he had his other parents. "And I will come and get you."

"Take him then," Sirius told Hagrid, getting off the bike, tears rolling thick and fast down his face as Hagrid took Harry into his arms. Hagrid moved to return Sirius's jacket to him, but Sirius shook his head. "He likes it," he explained softly, his voice breaking, "it smells of me."  
"I promise ye ye'll see him again," Hagrid said, trying to sound reassuring.  
"Yeah," Sirius said, knowing it was a faint hope at best and nodded to the bike. "Take it, you'll get there faster."  
"Thanks, Sirius," Hagrid said and before Sirius could change his mind and demand Harry back, Hagrid was flying away. He could hear Harry start to cry.

Turning on the spot, he pulled out his wand. He had nothing left, his boyfriend and girlfriend gone, his son gone, his brother gone well before them. Only one thing was left to do; kill Peter. He thought of Peter's little house in the Midlands, and apparated away.


End file.
